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15
May

How You Stop Yourself From Getting What You Want

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How You Stop Yourself From Getting What You Want

If you look closely and honestly, you'll see that all human beings have some mechanism for self sabotage, that is to say a way in which they get in their own way or stop themselves from getting what they truly want.

It may be something like a limiting belief that says "I can't achieve my life goal and be happy". This will cause you to push away opportunities when they show up. Most of the time, it's pretty easy to prevent yourself from winning. At other times your self-sabotage may be more complex, subtle or hidden.

Regardless, if you don't gain awareness of your own self-sabotaging patterns, it's likely that they will continue to derail you. Your patterns can cause years of frustration, despair and a life far less fulfilling than it could be. This is a high stakes game!

My own personal self reflection and growth process has allowed me to identify my own self-defeating patterns and shift many of them using a variety of powerful inner map tools. Yet, it's an ongoing process that never ends. The path for the awakened person requires a commitment and diligence.

A reasonable question might be "why do people limit themselves in this way"? The simple answer is that we each have a subconscious part of us that perceives change, regardless of the form and beneficial, to be unsafe and dangerous. This part will do whatever it can to insure that you stay the same and in this way remain safe from the perceived physical or emotional danger.

Since the pursuit of your life goals, business mission or creative expression involves change, they all qualify as something needing to be avoided. For convenience, we will use the word resistance to represent the many manifestations of your subconscious saboteur.

Some common examples of resistance are procrastination, avoidance, nervousness or anxiety, fear of expressing your true feelings, excuses for not completing important actions, etc. One most significant example of resistance is the fear of making a commitment to a personal development program even when you know in your gut, that it's the perfect next step for you.

This situation will often generate the greatest resistance because your subconscious knows that this will bring about the greatest change. Some typical internal messages you may hear are: It's not a good time for me, I'm not ready, I can't afford it, I'm too busy, I'll be dissapointed again, my husband/wife won't approve.

Even when you consciously know that the perception of danger is a distortion or flat out wrong, your subconscious will still operate as if the change is life threatening. If you reflect on your own present life experience. you'll be able to identify how resistance is showing up for you now.

The fact that you're reading this suggests that there is something of value for you here if you're willing to reflect honestly on it. It does take courage to look at yourself in this way but the rewards of doing so are HUGE. If you're unsure where your resistance may be operating for you now, dig deeper and ask someone close to you for their feedback. 

Over the past 2 decades, I've encountered many people who had the most amazing opportunities basically handed to them on a silver platter yet they refused to accept them. They had their reasons or story of course but in the final analysis it boiled down to one thing—their unwillingness to win. Resistance triumphed and they lost out big time.

Getting what you want will generally require you to be uncomfortable for a time. Is it worth it? Staying where you are has the advantage of being familiar, more comfortable and... the price you pay for this comfort is being utterly miserable and unfulfilled. Which do you prefer? 

Can a person be comfortable in their misery and unhappiness? Can they be content with their own poverty or limited financial success? Can they be completely accepting of devastating loneliness and unfulfilled desires? YES, Yes and Yes! I suggest that you not try to make sense of this rationally because you will not get very far. It will not add up no matter how hard you try to explain it.

Human beings are not rational or logical in any way, shape or form. Even the most exacting scientific mind will make personal choices that defy all common sense considerations. Transformation, no matter how ultimately beneficial, is scary, disruptive, unsettling but it will empower you to BE who you were meant to be.

So what's the message here? If you have important goals in your life (personal or professional) and you want to have a life really worth living, it is imperative that you get to know yourself and your self-sabotaging patters intimately and that you utilize a skilled coach to assist you in cracking the code on your self-limiting patterns.

It will most likely take a while and you will need to do inner work, but the reward will be an extraordinary and rich life of love, financial success and true fulfillment. 

Sounds good, right? Are you willing to do the "work" to get it? If yes, I have 3 simple steps to help you get started. Ready? Here goes:

Step 1: Schedule a Life Crafting complimentary Strategy Session. This strategy session will allow you to take a step back from your life and business and see what you really want. You'll learn about a powerful business model that will allow you to experience both the financial success and fulfillment you desire and you'll know how to move beyond any obstacles to having what you want. To schedule your session, click here.

Step 2: Write down what you most want in your life right now. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what would having this really give you? Repeat this a few times until you come down to your real core desire and outcome.

Next, write down all the ways you've been stopping yourself from having it. Again, a fierce honesty will be critical. Lastly, share what you've written with someone you trust and who will support you and not judge you. If you don't feel like you have someone in your life that satisfies these criteria, its time for you to start creating these kinds of relationships!

Step 3: Get yourself a copy of The War of Art. When it arrives, read it and keep it handy so you can easily reference it. BTW, this is not a typo. This is really the title of the book, very different from old classic, The Art of War.

The combination of the strategy session, exercise and book will set you on a powerful path of growth and success. I welcome your questions and comments.

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Howard Sambol is the creator of the Life Crafting program which guides you to clarify your gifts and passions, then craft an ideal business and make money doing what you love.

Comments

  • Derek Smith
    Derek Smith Wednesday, 08 February 2017

    I appreciate Alan bringing up what seems to be the crux of the issue for me - that there are situations in which hesitation can be an act of genuine preservation. The more difficult the decision, the more potential for growth. The reliance on my intuition or instinct in any given circumstance can lead to a development of those very faculties, so each difficult choice or encounter forces me to hone in on the very tools that guide me to the right decisions in life - what i assume is a life-long process of trusting my own ability to navigate consciously, while acknowledging my unconscious impulses and what are actual dangers. The challenge I've had my whole life, and which I believe many of my peers face, is that I grew up in a "culture of rejection," meaning the very framework of this culture has bred distrust in me. From advertising to governmental policy, it's almost as if I cultivated my intelligent awareness by rejecting what was presented to me. This eventually has become an excuse for self-sabotage, in the name of self-preservation, because I think everyone must trust in order to love and blossom into their potential. I've always rejected the idea of programs like Life Crafting, because I believed I could only rely on myself. I'm learning that, though this approach may have served me at times, it's beginning to betray an actual distrust in myself as I get older, because I need more community and assistance to achieve greater goals, and this requires that I trust my own ability to distinguish between self-defeating fear and actual dangers. I'm looking forward to the process of opening up to this community and developing the trust in myself that will help potential clients to trust in me as well.

  • Guest
    http://Kimi Avary Sunday, 07 June 2015

    Great article. On my personal growth journey through out my life, I've encountered resistance from time to time, and what I've noticed is that the more important the step is, the more resistance I experience. I love my business helping couples heal their relationships, and I notice resistance showing up when I have to put myself out in the world and market myself. I know it's important, and this article reminded me of how grateful I am that I'm working with you Howard. Thank you!

  • Guest
    Howard Sambol Sunday, 31 May 2015

    Alan, great question! I agree that sometimes it isn't easy to know your highest and best course. I believe it has to do with a few factors such as your level of self-trust, your tendency and history of avoiding certain issues, the feedback of others who care about you and whether your choice is based mostly on love or fear. The course in Miracles says that there are only two things: love and fear and one of them is an illusion.

  • Guest
    Alan M. Blum, D.C. Sunday, 31 May 2015

    Alan Blum: So Howard you are right, but how does one determine wheither they are self saboraging themself or their gut is right and they sould say no to the opportunity? And by the way I did just read the blog.

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Guest Wednesday, 23 August 2017